One of the families I have babysat for since fall of 2003 has little girl who is now three years old. When I first starting working for the family, she was not quite a year old. Back then, and over the next year, I was constantly amazed by how smart this little girl was. Well, she’s still smart, but now that means that she is smart enough to know how to manipulate and talk her way in and out of trouble. When she was little, it was like, “Awww, she’s so smart, how cute!” Now, she makes you want to tear your hair out: “G-d d-mn it, she’s so smart!!!”

Certainly, with any smart child, you’re going to reach a point where his or her intelligence is not just cute or pleasing – it’s downright frustrating. It’s important to recognize when this transition is taking place. If your child is displaying intelligence in ways that you wouldn’t want to be repeated on a daily or hourly basis, then you shouldn’t allow it the first time, either – and you certainly shouldn’t praise it (or laugh or coo), no matter how cute or funny it is. It may be amusing at first, but if it’s not a positive behavior, you need to put a stop to it right away, or it will be much harder to eradicate later on.

Deterring certain behaviors doesn’t have to mean strict punishment the first time they appear. You can nonchalantly say, “No, that’s not okay,” and leave it at that – hopefully, a lack of attention will avoid encouraging the behavior. If it happens again, you can be more firm: “I don’t like it when you do that. If you do it again, I’m going to – ” and fill in with an appropriate consequence, such as taking the offending object away or relocating the child. Three strikes and you’re out: if it happens a third time, make sure you follow through with whatever consequences you threatened last time, or your child won’t learn anything except how to manipulate you.

Remember, cute only goes so far. Your smart little angel isn’t going to be this size forever; there will come a day when you can no longer enforce the same level of consequences on him or her, so you need to teach obedience while it’s easiest. Realize that while your child’s intelligence enables him or her to learn manipulation, it will also facilitate the lessons you want to teach.