Today I had another opportunity for what I am fondly beginning to call “Parent-Watching.” This time I had an opportunity for comparison, as well. In the waiting room while my boyfriend was waiting to get a blood panel done, two parent-child duos entered: a mother whose little girl looked to be about eighteen to twenty-four months, and a father whose son must have been four or five.
The mother and her daughter entered first. After signing in, I heard her say to the toddler, “No, you can walk.” I imagine the little girl was raising her arms in that plaintive way that kids have, asking to be picked up. The mother walked over to a nearby chair, while the girl stood and stared after her. She said comfortingly, “Mommy’s right here; come on over here.” The little girl looked pretty unsettled by the semi-full waiting room, and hesitated, probably hoping that her mother would give in and come get her; instead, her mother called to her once or twice more, and the girl finally walked over to her.
Shortly after the mother signed in, a father and his little boy walked in. Right away I noticed that this boy – who was, as I already said, four or five years old – was clutching a babyish-looking sippy cup half-full of orange juice in one hand – the kind that’s clear with cartoons on the side, and a colored lid that screws on, featuring an extended mouthpiece (probably meant to be ergonomically correct) with little holes in it instead of a slit. (And no, I didn’t get close enough to see these details – I’ve just seen enough sippy cups during my career to know which kinds are which.) Sippy cups like this – particularly when they are clutched in this manner – are so obviously bottle or pacifier replacements, and it’s particularly disturbing to see a four-year-old carrying one around like that.
After the father signed in, he sat down with the little boy a short distance away from me, so I was able to watch them discreetly and easily. First the subject of the TV came up. There was a waiting room TV, but it was off, so the father told his son that he was going to ask them to turn on some kids programs. “Like Dragon Tales?” the boy asked, perking up. “Sure,” the father said, obviously having no idea what he was talking about. (Actually, I so rarely watch TV or keep up on the kids’ programs available that I’m not even sure that I got that title right.) The father got up and walked over to the desk, while his son called after him, “It’s on at noon!” (It was just a few minutes after noon then.) Huh? You mean this child, that’s probably not even reading the hands on a clock yet, knows when his TV programs are on? Disgusted by how much time the kid obviously spends in front of the TV, I wasn’t sorry at all when the receptionist told the man that the TV didn’t work.
As he returned to his seat, the father picked up a magazine from the rack and started flipping through it, so the boy got up, saying that he was going to get one too. The father stopped his son by saying, “They don’t have any baby magazines.” I was stunned. Baby?! The kid was obviously four or five, and had very advanced verbal skills, from what I’d heard of his conversations with his dad. However, his dad hardly seemed to pay attention to his son. I overheard him telling the boy, “When we get done here, we’ll go get a bite to eat.” The kid immediately noticed the odd phrasing of this common saying, and questioned, “Only a bite?” Engrossed in his magazine again already, or perhaps just more interested in what he had to say than what his son had to say, the man simply answered, “Yep.” For goodness sake, it would have been a perfect chance to explain the figurative meaning of the saying to the kid, yet the father just let it pass!
About this time, the mother’s words to her daughter caught my ear. She had a board book in her hand – whether the doctor’s office had it, or whether she brought it in her bag, I have no idea – and she was reading softly to her daughter. The contrast was so blatantly obvious: the mother was giving her daughter her attention, thereby preventing any boredom on her daughter’s part, and was obviously interested in her child’s development. The man, on the other hand, had looked to the TV right away to temporarily take his responsibilities as a father off his hands, and throughout his conversation with his son, constantly underestimated his son’s intelligence and demonstrated a lack of interest.
You really can learn a lot about parenting by watching other parents, in public – or, as I have, in my career. Being outside of the situation allows you to analyze the situation with a clear mind. By observing parent-child interactions, you can become aware of how some parenting techniques work (or don’t), and make some decisions about the kind of parent you want to be.