Providing choices is an excellent way of dealing with children of almost any age. It’s helpful for you because it helps you establish and enforce limits, and it’s helpful for the child because it teaches responsibility and allows an age-appropriate degree of control in his or her life. As your child ages, you should allow more choice, but for younger children choices should be limited; there will come a day when you have to accept your child’s choices without interfering, so it’s important to teach good decision-making while they are young.

Very young children: Preschool-age children can usually handle a couple of choices, but more than that can over-stimulate them and lead to more problems. For example, when dressing your child for a special occasion, you can narrow the choices down to two or three outfits that look nice enough, and then ask them which they like better. Also, when faced with discipline issues, you can use the technique of providing choices. For example, you can tell your child that they may go outside and continue to be loud, or stay inside and play quietly; this will work much more effectively than repeatedly hushing your child. However, never offer a set of choices if you are not prepared to accept your child’s decision; it will do more damage than good if you give your child the illusion of having a little control, and then promptly take it away.

Older children: Older children typically need more opportunities to make their own choices. For example, kids in elementary school should be allowed to start picking out their own outfits to give them an opportunity to learn about outside factors that influence their decisions, such as coordinating colors and styles, weather, and dress codes. School-age children should also be given more freedom in making more important decisions like when to do homework, so that they can gain a sense of responsibility and learn skills such as time management.

Teenagers and young adults: As children reach early adulthood, they should be responsible for making many daily decisions on their own. More significant decisions may still require guidance, but at this point there will be little you can do to enforce a decision your child doesn’t accept. The point of teaching decision-making skills earlier in life is so that by the time your child reaches the age of independence, the lessons are already ingrained. At this point, there is little that you can do but offer guidance when it seems to be wanted or needed, and sit back and watch the show.