If you were a fan of the TV show Friends, you probably remember the episode where Ross’ son has picked out a Barbie doll while at the toy store with his mothers. When the women drop the boy off with Ross, he flips out about the Barbie doll, despite their insistence that the kid picked out the Barbie doll of his own accord. Ross spends the rest of the show trying to interest his son in other toys, until at the end he is able to proudly return the kid to his mothers with a “boy” toy clutched in his hands.

The subject also brings to mind a rather large family that I babysit for. The girls in this family are what you would call androgynous, as they play basketball, G.I. Joes, and prefer to be boy characters in their games of pretend, even while exhibiting typical female characteristics. However, the boys are typical boys, acting like they have a serious allergy to Barbies, kisses, or anything girly.

These two examples illustrate what is, to my mind, a serious problem with society: male characteristics are becoming accepted, and sometimes even admired, in girls, but the opposite is not true for boys. Girls who play sports, or show an interest in cars, are fitting into a new standard for female children in our culture, but boys who exhibit gentler tendencies, such as playing with dolls or dressing up, are not: these boys are ridiculed by their peers and discouraged by their parents (usually out of the fear that such behaviors or indication of developing homosexuality). I find this double standard very upsetting: not only does it mean that we’re teaching our boys that sensitivity equates weakness, but we are teaching our girls that masculine characteristics are valued more than feminine ones.

Although one parent’s values can’t change society, you can make an impression on your own child. Talk to your child to raise awareness about male and female characteristics versus true good and bad. Encourage androgyny in girls and boys by making both “masculine” and “feminine” toy choices available to your children, and do your best not to express disappointment in your child’s choice. Remember, a little boy playing with a doll is not fundamentally any different than a little girl playing with a tool set or participating in sports.